New Year, New Me (a cliche but okay)

Hey guys, it’s your girl Viola, and I have a deep and meaningful post today, so shit’s about to get serious.

I have a long list of imperfections and things about me that get me down, because I’m human. We all have that something that we dislike about ourselves and want to change, whether it be your appearance, your emotions, or anything to be honest. If you are curious, here are mine. I’m sorry if I ramble on or bum you out but hear they are.

  1. MY NOSE a very common imperfection, I don’t always care about it but sometimes I look in the mirror and notice how wide and fat it is, and it’s quite short and stuck up in a way and then I feel like a freak.
  2. MY FOREHEAD – My forehead is very square and quite large, and I have a fringe to cover it up, but I’m bored with my hairstyle. I want a side fringe, well actually I would prefer no fringe at all, but because of my fat oddly shaped forehead I look weird without a fringe and I don’t feel confident enough to change my hairstyle.
  3. MY STOMACH – I am slightly over weight (I’m not exaggerating, I’ve checked) because I binge eat, a LOT and my stomach has most of the excess fat. I cannot wear crop-tops or low waist jeans because my fat stomach will spill out and look stupid, so I always wear long t-shirts, high jeans and a baggy shirt over my swimwear. I would like to have a flatter chest.
  4. MY BOOBS – I have huge boobs…and I’m not happy with them. I’m a 36E and I have been bullied constantly over them. I had a flat chest in year 7 and in year 8 I was happy with their size, because they were small and no problem whatsoever. However, they started to get a little too big and people started to notice. Boys would flirt and not in a good way, more like harass. Girls would call me a slag in the corridors. Rumours spread around hat I shoved tissues in my bra and I wore a push-up water bra. I used to be a good runner but I stopped because every time I ran they moved too much. I stopped enjoying PE class. I would hear the other girls betting on what my bra size was. One person even asked one of my dance friends to ask me where I got my boob job from. It was hell on earth. Many times I thought about having a breast reduction operation, but I would hate to have the hideous scars.
  5. HAVING NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP – I’m 16, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never been kissed, every guy I’ve liked has never asked me out, every guy that has liked me (which has only been a couple) I’ve been utterly not interested in. This is an imperfection because I’ve had countless emotional breakdowns because of this fact about me. I’m don’t need a relationship to define me or anything like that, I’m happy being single a lot of the time, but it just makes me feel really lonely sometimes because it makes me feel like an un-datable freak, and I’m terrified of being alone. I had a couple of small “interests” in some people but my biggest crush was when I was 13. All my other crushes was people I barely talked to, but this guy was actually my friend. I liked him for 3 years, I’ll even say as far as loved him to be honest. Most of my other friends knew. The only one of my friends who didn’t know was my now ex-friend who was a bitch, and went on to date him a year after I stared to have feelings for him (they’re not together now). But the thing is, he liked ME the same time I liked him, but for a reason which I still don’t know, just when we were so close to being together he stopped liking me and dated her instead. We don’t talk anymore but I still see him in the corridors in college which kills me every time it happens, cos there’s that awkwardness when we look at each other because of the history that’s there. Plus the fact that I still have feelings for him.

The reason I’m talking about my imperfections is because I want this year to be great, and for it to be great, I’m going to take this list and throw it in the fire. This year is going to be a fresh new me where I don’t give a flying crap about my imperfections. If I want a side fringe, I’ll get a side fringe. If I want to wear a bikini, I’ll wear it with pride. If I want to take some risks, I’ll take them. If I have big boobs, so what? And screw that bastard who broke my heart, I don’t need him, I don’t need any relationship. I’m single, and I’m proud!!!

(drops microphone)

Viola over and out xxx

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